Original flight crew quotes - the good, the bad, the wth

i was on a flight from sfo to fra on united (business). you know how they give you those fancy menus with detailed descriptions about the great food and wines that they serve on board. well, i wanted to try a merlot that seemed tasty, so i asked for it. the flight attendant said that they didn't have that one; so i asked why. she said that they rarely have the wines that are on the menu. so i asked why. she leans over and says: "you live in a dream world, sir" - wth?!

They seem to have two out of three when I fly UA internationally... And the one missing tends to be the one I wanted. Doesn't really upset me too much. But the reply you got is amusing

My rule of thumb: ex-USA, you never get the wine you want.
Ex-Europe, you have a chance.

It's sort of sad hoping and praying for a $20 bottle in first class.

psst....next time try LH..... Even the duty free stuff is usually in stock.....

not a big fan of lh anymore - amongst a few things, i really think that their business class seats are from the 80s...

best "quote": this was tons of years ago - virgin atlantic from lhr to sfo, business. my first ever flight with them. so, i sit down, make myself comfortable. a fa shows up at my seat, looks me in the eyes and asks:"would you like a massage today?". i really didn't know what to say. so i said:"not sure yet." well, during flight i just could not sleep. and there she was again:"i can see that you're having problems getting some rest - why don't you come with me, and i'll help you relax"...so i did. god bless virgin: best massage ever. and when i returned to my seat, i slept like a baby

UA to Vegas: "Yeah, we're going out tonight to watch the whores."

wow - who said that?

here's an interesting one: i was on a flight from sfo-zrh with swiss. first class (nice!). can't sleep (again), so i start falling in love with the red wine they had. after my 5th glass, the fa comes up to me and says:"not sure if i can serve you another one - are you still in command of yourself?" - wth?!

First thing I thought of: "yes, and I recently promoted myself to captain! Is it my turn to fly this thing?"

It was one of the FA's on the flight. We were talking to him about what they did in Vegas, that was his answer.

Eastbound TATL overnight flight: Pilot comes on intercom in the middle of the night, no turbulance but he wakes everyone up and the cabin lights are turned on. We get a long monologue about where we are, how high, how fast, etc. (who cares?) and at the end he says in a Texas drawl "Well folks, we lost an engine about an hour ago and we're going to land at the nearest airport...." This was a TWA L-1011 at the time when engines were literally falling off the wings of DC-10s which were grounded. Panic ensued, but it took a while to figure out that it was necessary to correct the announcement and reassure people that we hadn't literally lost an engine in the sense of it falling from the sky but rather there was some minor warning light which caused the pilot to turn off one engine.

sounds like a funny kinda pilot...

YFC-YUL on a less than half full DASH 8. FA starts the flight by observing "there are plenty of empty seats, so if you'd prefer some extra room, or you don't like the person you're sitting beside feel free to change seats." He was cracking jokes the whole flight. Seemed to enjoy his job.

not bad...

Notified my flight attendant of a broken IFE before take-off (morning flight). She replied, "Oh yeah, I've been on this aircraft for the three flights before this, too. It's always been like that. I just haven't bothered to tell maintenance."

Well, that explains why it hasn't been fixed!

And on the return, an hour delayed, we had what actually turned out to be a great FA on a regional jet. He blocked the entrance to the plane, took out his phone, and proceeded to take several pictures of the sunset. "I'm not going to see anything that beautiful for a while. You guys don't mind, do you? No one's in a hurry to get on the plane. Go ahead, take a picture for yourself."

here's where i ask the net promoter score question: would you recommend this airline to friends and family? nope!

simple: wth?!

This one still makes me nervous....."We'll be on the ground shortly" What happened to "...landing soon" ?

Favorite nugget from a Southwest safety speech: "Please put your mask on before helping your child. If you have more than one child, start with the one with the most college potential."

With today's cost of college, perhaps reversing the order of children might be beneficial.

Or inserting the word "scholarship" after "college?"

hahahahahahaha - not bad.

the one i really "enjoyed" was on a flight from lhr to sfo (ba): plane lands, pilot comes on and says (in typical british):"ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to let you know that united states law enforcement agents will board this plane once we open the doors - a passenger in economy will need to be arrested because we noticed that he was taking illegal drugs during the flight. thank you for your cooperation."